So, now that that's all clear, let's get into my list of pesky writing annoyances! (These aren't listed in order by the way, but the first one is the worst...)
1. What Part 0f FICTION Do You Not Understand?!
Whenever I say that I'm a writer, people ask what I write... And I say fiction, and it's like their heads can't handle it. Not as a job. You know, it's not like Stephen King and J.K. Rowling exist or anything, or like fiction is one of the biggest genres ever or anything...
They can't just admit it though, what do they say?
"You could write political speeches!"
"Have you thought of being a copywriter?"
"Look at this article in newspaper, you could have your own column!"
"Here's a book on how to write self-help books!"
Gee thanks... But there's kind of a world of difference between fiction and any of the above! Literally, a world, as in one world is real and the other is full of vampires and demons and psychopathic murderers bent on destroying you! And guess which world I chose to live in!!
I mean, I appreciate the thought, I get that fiction is rough... But did you seriously think that I didn't think of all that before I decided to do this?
Yeah, so there's #1! Please recognize the difference in everything about fiction and nonfiction...
2. That World You Were Creating Clashes Pretty Bad With The Real World...
This isn't exactly one of those vexatious topics of things other people do... More like something the world does. When I'm planning my alternate book world, the real world is supposed to just disappear... Not throw a rattlesnake at me. Yeah, I get that you're upset that I'm replacing you, but you're 4.543 billion years old! Grow up!I'm not even kidding though, there was one time I was walking around outside planning my story-world and out of nowhere there's a rattlesnake less than a foot away from me! Thankfully it was cool enough out that it wasn't feeling good enough to bite me... But that almost gave me a heart attack!
This happens quite a bit, not with rattlesnakes specifically, but unless I'm home alone, locked in my room, under a blanket, something happens that's distracting all the time!
Again world... Grow up please.
Here's that snake by the way!
3. Those Tiny Little Details... That Totally Kill The Story.
You've got a book written, mostly edited, ready to go! And then you realize... Oh, this person has been in prison for a hundred years and never been out of his cell. I took care of how that's possible in the first place, but why his hair still in this complicated short haircut? This isn't fantasy, he isn't a fairy or an angel... Ugh!!
Or when the girl is 17, and then in 75 years she'll be a hundred... Wow me. Kudos, you did something that not even fantasy or magic can explain! Easily enough fixed, but how on earth did I even do that?
Wait, I know! Actually, I don't. I just hate math to the point that I disregard numbers. Haha.
4. Apathetic Melodrama.
That is a huge problem for me, and I hate it. I can't even explain how querulous this makes me, rereading over what I just wrote and seeing that wow, that was way more emotion than getting caught by the police which is what you wanted in the first place calls for! But you're totally disregarding the fact that you just killed the third person in a row!
Yeah, total newbie mistake, but editing my writing just makes me so annoyed sometimes...
5. Distractions
No, not the same as world distractions. Those are things that I have no control over, like stepping on snakes! These distractions are more along the lines of the music that I always use for writing suddenly demanding that I sing along, or the beat just needs me to dance to it. Or every time I sit down to write my mind reminds me of how I haven't checked my email, or seen if my schoolwork has been graded yet, or have I kept up with my 102 day french streak?!
Yeah, those. I can't work with those, because they take my illogical stubbornness and use it against me. Even now, they're creeping into my mind because I'm thinking about them...
6. Can I See?
"What are you doing? Can I see?"
"I'm writing, and no you can't see it!"
"Why not? OMG are you writing bad things?! Why don't you want me to see, what are you hiding??"
If by that you mean totally sucky writing about people being murdered... Yeah. But you know what? You can't see because I don't want criticism yet! And because even after it's edited to perfection, it's really not your genre and you won't like it. And by the way, I say this exactly 100% of the time you ask that!
Yeah, we all know those people, don't we?
7. Must... Keep... Writing!
So we've got too distracted to write... And then we've got it's impossible to write because I'm at dance class or in a video chat lesson for school, but the only thing on my mind is how awesome that story is and how I have to write it now before the magic disappears!
Maybe by now I should have learned to carry a notebook around to write ideas or whatever in, but nah... That's too much effort. And my notebook is about as big as my laptop, and I don't really want to buy another one so I can forget it at the library or Walmart.
So that's all the churlishly annoying things I've got for now! The Distracting Thoughts came through again, so now all I've got is how excited I am that my early morning class tomorrow is about mental illnesses! Because I'm not sadistic or anything!
No really, I'm not... That's why I'm being a Psychiatrist as well as an author.
Bye. Vale. Au revoir. Adios.
No comments:
Post a Comment