The thing is, unless you've had the mental illness there really isn't much of a way to understand them. It's just one of those things that has a lot of misconceptions, a lot of myths, and a ton of misunderstandings.
It is, however, possible to accurately portray your character's mental illness! Here are some tips and methods to do this, without personal experience in the matter...
1. RESEARCH
Seriously, research. Research symptoms, statistics, risk factors, diagnosis, everything! And once you've researched all the medical/psychological facts, then search up people who've had your illness talking about it. Their experience, if/how they got over it, how they felt, everything.
The better an understanding you have, the better you'll be able to write this. Immerse yourself in the world of whatever you're researching, ideally while remaining sane yourself (not calling mentally ill people insane, just clarifying! Some are, sure, but not all of them... And it is possible to give yourself mental illness by being too obsessed.)
2. Don't Make It A Character Trait
Mental illness is not a character trait. It does not define your character. Create a fully functional, healthy character, just like any other, and then add the mental illness. Because people with depression do not identify as depression, they still have a personality that's unique, they're still them. The depression can come in and change them, hide certain aspects of them or make them more irritable or something, but they're still the same person.
Just as it's not a character trait, this should not be their only weakness or negative trait! If you take the mental illness away, they shouldn't be perfect. The should still have something else that brings them down from perfection, be that a fear or greediness or any number of character flaws. It can be complementary to the illness, but it shouldn't all be the illness.
A last thing along these lines, is that the illness shouldn't be the main topic of concern about the character. Think of it more like a physical illness, like let's say they got their foot chopped off. You aren't going to constantly bring up the missing foot, that's repetitive and stupid, but if the character is getting up to go somewhere then by all means bring up their annoyance or sadness at the handicap! And same thing with forgetting it; if your character consistently has trouble getting down the stairs then make it consistent. Don't make them breeze down those stairs because their loved one got home or something dangerous is happening! Same goes for mental handicaps, they don't stay at bay because it's convenient.
3. Don't Romanticize It
Mental illness isn't pretty, don't make it that way. Guys aren't going to be more likely to love someone because they're depressed, they aren't going to see an arm full of cuts and want to kiss them, they aren't going to see a girl have a panic attack in the cafeteria and think it's cute or hot (And if they do, that's just sick...) Mental illness is not attractive, and that's part of the reason people who have it try to hide it. They're worried that nobody will like them.Yes, there are sweet and caring people out there who will try to help and love mentally ill people anyway. Having mental illness doesn't make someone unlovable, because it's not a character trait or permanent part of the person! But on the other hand, if you're dating someone who is consistently pushing you away, hurting themselves, and being reclusive in their dark room... Be realistic, if that's just your love life and you're supposed to accept it, you would probably move on. Not to mention that the majority of these books take place in high school, meaning that there's school, future planning, social life, family, all these other things! Realistically, nobody who knows what's good for themselves is going to stick with a mentally ill person who is giving them close to nothing, making little to no effort to recover, and is pushing the person away.
Also, mentally ill people usually don't make it obvious. Depressed people smile anyway, anxious people try to act relaxed, schizophrenic people don't go around announcing what they see or hear, and nobody yells how they're feeling or what they're thinking either alone or in public. It takes very special circumstances and people for someone with a mental illness to open up and talk about it, and this will not be two chapters after your characters hook up. In fact, people with mental illness usually only tell anyone either (A) once they've recovered or (B) when they're so deep into it that they might commit suicide and are scared.
4. If You Can, Have Someone Check It
If you know someone who has had the mental illness, who was/is close to someone who has it, or is a psychologist specializing in mental illness, have them read your book when you've finished the first draft or so and see if it's accurate. Nobody is a better judge than the people with direct experience in that field, and they can really help you.
Ask specifically if the thoughts and feelings are accurate, if they could tell what's wrong with the person if they were never told what the actual illness was, and if the reasons behind the illness are valid. Take any feedback to heart (with a grain of salt, and maybe some pepper) and don't be afraid to make changes.
5. Recovery Process
Recovery is a process. It's not a matter of finding your soulmate and snapping out of it, it takes time! Time, work, motivation, ups and downs, it's not easy. If your character meets the perfect person and within two chapters is functioning like a normal human being with no trace of illness, then you need a reality check.
Here's what it takes to recover, and this is assuming that your character has that choice... With some things like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, there is no cure or way to get over it. Treatments can help, but it's there to stay.
But let's just say your character has depression. That's what I had, and here's what it took for me to recover... First, I had to care. Originally, I didn't care, I had no motivation to get better. I had to find a reason to recover. Second, I had to take action. You can't just sit there and think about it, you have to do something. Whether that's move around, eat, dance, write, or anything but lie in bed and feel miserable, is up to you. Or get help, talk to someone, family member or psychologist, even a close and trusted friend. But take action. Third, keep it up. That can be hard, it's like walking through a swamp, which is how depression is often depicted. It's a struggle to stay up and moving forward, but you have to keep moving or you'll sink back to where you were. And that happens, you can't be strong constantly, you get sucked back down and need to re-find your motivation. It happens. But after you go long enough, you get out of the swamp. You have firm ground under your feet and energy returns, and suddenly things are just brighter!
That's just the basics, by the way, it's harder than that. And even once you get out, you have to stay out. Your mind reverts to old patterns under stress, and sometimes I find myself back in the swamp when something bad happens. It's still a possibility, and the patterns remain in your mind for a long time. New patterns have to be made and reinforced before you can stay mentally healthy.
6. After The Recovery
As I said above, your mind still gets pulled back into the mindset of mental illness. It can come back, just like someone who beat cancer is more likely to develop cancer again. But since I already went over that, I'll leave it there.
By the time you get out, you're different. For example, I'm much less sunshine and butterflies than I used to be, I'm more empathetic towards people because of my experiences, pretty much nothing scares me anymore (Depression gave me a certain lack of care in what happens to me, and an increased pain resistance, both of which kind of stuck once I recovered), and my sense of humor is dark and sarcastic. While it was a bit of a shock to everyone to see me go from smiley-happy-princess-kid to depressed-but-hiding-it to dark-humor-horror-loving-yet-happy-and-kind, I think that in essence I'm still the same person and the changes aren't negative ones. Your character doesn't have to be darker when they recover, they could be lighter because they're happy to be out. They could be a wiser version of who they used to be. As long as there's a character growth that makes sense, you're good.
That was a whole long few paragraphs, but your character's journey should be similar. They aren't going to be same person coming away from the experience, it isn't going to be quick (it took me at least six months, if not more), and they need a solid reason. Something they could gain or lose that they genuinely care about.
So that's what I've got on mental illnesses. If you have any questions or anything to add, feel free to leave a comment or contact me! Thank you!
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